just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
