$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize