I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
