@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
