Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
