My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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