She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that's an acceptable place to lick
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
