my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So much rum. So many feels.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
