Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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