I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
