so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
