We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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