im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
