so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
