and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize