i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
