That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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