Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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