alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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