he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
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