i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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