Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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