I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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