Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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