i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
