That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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