Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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