nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize