He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
