i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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