My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
