I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
