how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize