You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
