But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
