Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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