Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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