i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
