Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
