I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
