we have officially lost it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
