I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
