Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
