It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
