i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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