I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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