yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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