he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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