whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
