Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
