Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The air was thick with penises
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize