Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
