But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
