Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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