She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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