I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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