ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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