how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
