I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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