It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
