at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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