So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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