today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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