I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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