There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
