The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
