There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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