1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
