I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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