I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
