And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
