My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
