I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
