On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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