had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
