My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
