is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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