Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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