And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
