how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
