I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
