that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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