Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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