Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
