Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
