My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
