I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
