i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
