There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
