when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
