Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
