I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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