I wish my penis had an off switch
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
