**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
