brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
