Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
