we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
